Three's Company Quotes

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Jack Tripper: Is something burning?
Janet Wood Dawson: Oh NO! I left my underwear in the oven.
Chrissy: Too bad hot pants are not in style.
Mrs. Roper: Well, better get rid of the old set anyway.
Stanley Roper: Set what set?
Mrs. Roper: An old stove, and old husband, and they both take too long to heat up.
Stanley Roper: I bet this cot told some great stories.
Mrs. Roper: I wish ours could.
Chrissy: Eat your salad before it gets cold. Jack Tripper: I have two surprises for you two girls.
Chrissy: Oh, I love surprises. It's funny that you never suspect them!
Chrissy: You know, if women ran the world there'd be none of these stupid wars!
Stanley Roper: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death!
Janet Wood Dawson: Chrissy, your dad is a minister, what does he usually say to couples in trouble?
Chrissy: He tells them to keep the baby.
Stanley Roper: I came up to shampoo your rug.
Chrissy: Why? Does it have dandruff?
Cindy Snow: If my man was cheating on me I'd break every bone in his body!
Jack Tripper: You'll do that on your wedding night.
Stanley Roper: Not in my building!
Jack Tripper: I swear, it will be completely platonic.
Stanley Roper: What's that mean?
Helen Roper: Like you and me, Stanley.
Chrissy: Men are so unsympathetic.
Jack Tripper: Baloney.
Chrissy: Oh yeah? Then how come there are more women nurses than men?
Jack Tripper: [pause] Because there are more men who get sick because of women.
Jack Tripper: Why did she call me a rat?
Janet Wood Dawson: Because you're a pig!
Stanley Roper: What's the cake for?
Helen Roper: We're celebrating.
Stanley Roper: Celebrating what?
Helen Roper: The tenth anniversary of my spring outfit.
Jack Tripper: It's time to toast the bride and groom. To Gloria and Larry, happy days!
Janet Wood Dawson: Good times!
Chrissy: Little House on the Prairie!
Stanley Roper: Helen, I just wanted to prove to you that other woman found me attractive.
Stanley Roper: ...And I proved it.
Mrs. Roper: Well, fine, go to her. See if I care. I hope you're happy.
Stanley Roper: I don't want to be happy; I want to be with you.
Chrissy: Jack, that smells good.
Jack Tripper: Chrissy, I haven't even started cooking yet.
Chrissy: Well, you better hurry up and start cooking so you can catch up with the smell.
Terri: I just felt sorry for you!
Jack Tripper: Sorry for me? Why would anybody feel sorry for me?
Janet Wood Dawson: Oh, lots of reasons.
Ralph Furley: Ohhhh, I'm through with women.
Jack Tripper: Aww.
Ralph Furley: Don't you get any ideas!
[Stanley has been caught eavesdropping]
Helen Roper: Stanley! You should say you're sorry.
Stanley Roper: All right, all right, I'm sorry.
Helen Roper: And you'll never do it again.
Stanley Roper: And I'll never do it again.
Helen Roper: And you'll take fifty dollars off next month's rent.
Stanley Roper: And I'll never do it again.
Ralph Furley: You can't follow The Brady Bunch if you miss the beginning!